


one becomes a sinner.

by projectfreelancer



Category: Ava's Demon
Genre: Loss of Faith, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-27
Updated: 2017-04-27
Packaged: 2018-10-24 17:57:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10746885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/projectfreelancer/pseuds/projectfreelancer
Summary: gil learns the truth about titan.(based on 4/27 update)





	one becomes a sinner.

**Author's Note:**

> like i said, based on 4/27's update.
> 
> my interpretation and how i want the comic to go and how i feel odin/gil could bond over revent events
> 
> also nothing in this fic is supposed to imply ava/odin just btw

Gil looks at Odin (panting, on his knees, something raw from Gil’s own thoughts) and he sees—

A broken dream. Two boys on a beach, two boys on their backs, two boys reciting Titan's holy words. Odin wanting him, Odin craving him, Odin praying for him. Fast thoughts that drove themself into Gil’s mind as soon as he saw the shipwrecked man. But he sees Odin now, clearly sees him, and sees shards of bitter glass. He’s a murderer; someone who abandoned them; someone deceitful and—

”You’re insane… You’re actually insane.” The words sit heavy in the air; Gil cannot take his eyes off the man in front of him.

“Y-Yeah,” Odin is saying, voice shaking, face turned from him, “You and me both, pal.”

Gil feels hurt slice his heart. Any fantasy he has had about finding Paradise in Odin feels crumbled. Odin has sour disgust for Titan, and Gil feels it for the man in front of him now.

But the man, the _devil_ , pays no heed to Gil’s thoughts, continues saying, “Y-You are the one who w-worships an insane god.”

Gil’s eyes narrow at that, instinct crawling throughout his veins. His voice sounds raw, says, “You don’t know anything about the kind of god that Titan is. In Paradise, there is no suffering.”

Odin’s looking at him now; looks at him as if he is disgusting, or as if he pities him, or as if Gil is someone he is proud he will never be. Gil does not know which is worse. “He’s a k-killer. And a d-dictator, and violent—”

“Your friend here is two of those,” his voice is raising, _titan forgive me for my fury_ , “Yet you still brought her here!”

“It seems like y-your friends were the ones who did th-that to her actually.”

Gil has fire in his blood, jealousy spiking his heart rate at how Odin defends the murderer he rescued, wants to yell, but Ava’s eyes are opening. She coughs, smoking spilling out of her mouth. “Odin isn’t lying.”

Gil can see Maggie flinch out of the corner of his eyes, like she’s about to take a step forward, worry etched on her face. But Gil pays no attention to any lingering emotion Maggie may feel for the girl. His fists are curled; his body feels as if it any point he will burst. “He has to be.” It’s all he can muster to say in the end. _Titan forgive me for being weak, for not being able to defend you righteously._

“No,” Ava says, eyes closing shut, voices falling into a soft tone. “They told me I… was to go to Paradise… She got her face torn off… They killed her in _his_ name…”

It is like the sea that killed him: the wave of realization, the blistering heat that overtakes him, the loss of air in his lungs. His faith had never been rock-solid, never been pure, had always been corrupted by a sinner’s doubt eating inside him. But to hear that his god, the man he attributes to saving his life and giving him hope. It is water boiling, water finding home in his aching lungs—it is like dying all over again.

His body feels frozen, something sinister and empty in him now, cannot say anything, can only feel how his body shakes, how he shakes his head, trying to make it a lie. Nevy has her hands comforting around his neck, but instead he imagines a rope, and—

“I t-told you so,” Odin says, pride and snark laced in his voice, but when they hold eye contact, something softer is in his eyes.

Nevy says, voice candy-sweet, _he doesn’t mean it. you can tell by his eyes. he’s sorry for you. his eyes are beau—_

Gil feels his childish urges come back, hands clasping against his ears, anything to make all the monsters around him disappear. He tries to mumble out something, anything, ends up saying, “I can’t… do this…” and he’s turning away from them all, into the nearest empty room he can find, a sanctuary for him.

Immediately, he drops to his knees, hands folding like a habit. The words come out slippery, tremored with shaky breathes. “Titan… forgive me. Titan, forgive me. Titan…” He breaks off on a sob, words drowning in his throat, collapsing farther to sit on the floor. Not a single part of him feels whole now. Odin and Ava have wrapped their claws into his very soul and tore it out without mercy.

And as if summoned by the devil, Odin appears in the doorway. He looks—regretful. Something small, something Gil wants to hate but has no energy to try. He licks his lips, eyes not focusing on Gil. “So, you’re st-still praying to him, huh?”

Gil’s jaw clenches, fury alight inside him again. “Shut up. Don’t you have any empathy for anyone?” Tears fall pathetically from his eyes; knows his words have no bite to them.

The man in the doorway sighs but does not leave. He stares at the floor, says, “It’s h-hard at first, but it’ll get easier. If you st-stop all the maniac crap, Ava and Maggie w-w-will probably accept you just fine.”

Gil remembers his broken dreams of two boys, and he stifles a harsh laugh, asking before he can think, “And you? Could you ever accept someone who used to be a crazy cultist?”

And now Odin looks him in the eyes, something like hope or want or craving growing inside Gil. “I al-aready said we’re _both_ cra-crazy. Isn’t t-that an answer?”

The waves storming inside of Gil’s mind seem to come to a calm-still roar. His heart now no longer drowning but beating frantically at the words. Odin offers something alike the shadow of a smile on his lips, and Gil wonders if this is just his way of apologizing without having to, if all he says are lies, and there is no room for Gil anywhere in Odin’s heart.

But he cannot stop the smile that blooms on his lips as the man looks at him. And though Gil is now a soulless, broken heathen who has died again, it feels as if there is still another reason to live.

 

**Author's Note:**

> odin is said to have the highest empathy of all the characters so he probably feels bad when he's an asshole. but still doesnt know how to apologize like at all


End file.
